Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
