Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
