omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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