The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
