Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
