Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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