you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
