ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
