I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
