I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
