i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
