Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
