My sheets look like a crime scene.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
