sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
