Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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