I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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