shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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