If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
