she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
