i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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