i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
