Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
