I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
