just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
