Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
