but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
