You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize