seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
