dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Who died my cat blue again?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize