You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
