White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
