We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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