The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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