some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
