i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
