He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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