Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They have beer where we have blood.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
