i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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