I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
