never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
