I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
