i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
