hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
