Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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