why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
