God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
