I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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