she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
there is puke in my bra ... again
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize