Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
