in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
