It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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