so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
