i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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