Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
