My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
