Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
