Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Porn is love you can see.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
