She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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