i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
