i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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