We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
