It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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