you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
