it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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