I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
