If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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