I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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