I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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