i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize