how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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