I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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