Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
