I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
home. puking in laundry basket.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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