youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
