I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
